An overview

There is something to be said about the "asian" way of connecting people with one another, breaking that one degree of separation. The first thing that happens when you go to a new place is anybody you know will say something along the lines of "oh I know so-and-so there, let me get in contact with him/her so he/she can show you around".

This is just a tad strange for me to recognize because I am no stranger to silence or large amount of time alone, but it's a little lonely in San Antonio despite the numerous of people I knew from Rice or even my high school. It's hard cutting through all the social crap niceties and getting to the real person.

So far I am not too worried by med school. Rice prepared me well. Bioc and anatomy. I'll be okay for the first few weeks at least.
The long hours are annoying though. It's more time consuming than college by far. Not just the studying. The classes. The lectures. The required hours.
But all of that is manageable. Even the feeling of always being slightly behind, or not studying enough. It's okay, it's manageable.
Instead. 
I'm worried I'm going to hate it here, I'm worried that I won't find a fellowship that grows me, that challenges me, that I would love with all my heart. I'm worried of losing who I am, I'm worried that med school will pull out the ugly as if sifting the stressed emotions and intense competitor out from the fruits of the spirit qualities I hope to grow in myself.

2 Corinthians cut to the bone yesterday.

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.

Hopefully I will turn around in four years and see that this moment in time was just a slice of transition wedged in between periods of growth.


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I've forgotten how to be alone.
Tell me that's a good thing, because right now I don't know if it is. 
Except, of course it is.
Of course it is.


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Anatomy is probably my favorite thing right now, despite that it's hours of ___.
I was thinking ortho, but maybe not anymore. I don't really like bone saws or chisels. They're a little too imprecise for me.

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This Sunday morning found me in a movie theater, carefully sitting down in a plushy movie theater chair, smelling that sharp butter scent of popcorn. And then the music started and the theater filled with mostly young adults lifted their voices for Jesus's glory.
Despite its unconventional location, I loved the message today. On greatness. Mark 10. Whereas the world can only see greatness as clawing your way up, despite who you step on, to get to the top, Jesus says the servant will be the first. Coming out of the second week of med school where I am just determined to get good grades and do well, it is a brilliant reminder that I chose this path to serve others, above all else.

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Now that you have finished reading my blog, you know too much of me already. A one way mirror that shows you watching me questioning and wondering and trying live this life to the best of my ability and failing, always failing. Always being picked up by my Savior. Drowning and breathing in water as if it were air, and Jesus breaking my ribs to save me until I breathe air instead.

How are you?