curiosity

got to figure out someone today for the first time in a long while.
School doesn't always translate to quality time one-on-one.

Got told I think too much yet again.
I can't help it.

People are troublesome. People are fascinating.

Older

I've come to the slightly unhappy conclusion that I'm slowly growing out of the YA fantasy books that I've loved for years.

Some are, of course, classics. But the majority (always tagged "for children" or "ages 9-13") don't seem to sit right with me anymore. Which is a true pity because a lot of times I think I would loved some books that were just meh if only I were the right age.

Instead of carefully roaming through the shelves of brightly bound fantasy novels, I look through old and stodgy books now. I really would never have picked up Anna Karenina on my own ten years ago. Ouch that hurts to say. A whole decade ago.

And there's less time to read too... ugh. I'll find time. Somewhere.

Study study

Our instructors are liars!! They say to not memorize everything but just know the concept. Ha! But then how can you answer the question if you don't memorize all of the vitamin deficiency and their corresponding complexes? Rawr.

Every Word

You do not know the effects of your words.

Each phrase is like a pebble thrown into a pond.
Some miss and lie forgotten among the marshy reeds.
Some land in the middle of a mountain of other similar pebbles.
But sometimes, it arcs through the air and lands in the very center of the water.
And ripples spread out. Waves and waves crash against the edges and everything is disturbed.

You said it so easily. I took it to heart and mused upon it, thought about it, slept on it.

Maybe I think too much.

Right

I've always been a truth over love sort of person.
Because how can you be wrong if you say what is right?

Unfortunately that is not always the case and this is what I've learned again today:
You can be wrong even when you are right.

What a paradox.

Unrelated Observation; Note to Self

My butt hurts from sitting too much. :O
I need to exercise >.<

The long road

I find myself eternally tired these days.
Haha what a flashback to junior year second semester.
But even more so, it feels like. :O
The horrible knowledge of feeling guilty when I sleep more than 5 hours a day because that's just less time I'm up and doing something. Breaks are naps instead of fun because that's more productive.

There's always more to study, there really is. It's like being eternally behind.

And it slowly dawned on me today, without realizing it, that for the past few weeks, God has slowly shrunk in my life from my goal and purpose and foundation to a hypothetical. As in, ah yes he's my Lord and Savior, but it's not like he can really help me memorize these cranial nerves and pathways any faster.
I am committing the the mistake of putting the urgent in front of the important.
And the stupid thing is I knew this coming in.
I already knew it'd be hard, that this would probably happen, that I'd get tired and med school is the place where most people have their "driest" years.
And of course it still happens. And I am still taken off guard.
I've gone from actively looking for fellowship to resigning myself to hopefully find one in the future if it perchance falls in my lap because of tests, tests, tests.
Ridiculous. Ridiculous if I take a step back and look at what I'm doing.
Makes total sense if I focus on the moment.

I don't know myself well enough.
That is definitely one thing that I have learned so far here. 

Let the space between where I want to be and who I am inspire me.

Because, gracious, that space is enormous.