note to you

To the class of 2014,

I still remember you all as freshmen. Dorky freshmen, really. When you guys came in and weren't sure which cell group to join - that was pretty cute. And clung to each other for comfort (oh, you martel class). And goodness, there were so MANY of you! You all were answers to our prayers, that ccf might grow and continue to love God.

You guys were my first freshmen.

In your sophomore year, it was heartening to see the ones who trickled in slowly. You who came in uncertainly because there was already a clique formed, I am glad that you came anyway.

And then you all started settling into leadership positions and hooking up with each other. It was like… okay, yeah they're growing up. Haha.

And now. You guys are alums.

And even though I am not even sure I have the right to say this: I am glad you have made it, and have made it well.  Congratulations.

on distance

on distance and friendship:
Friendship is a two way street. I already knew that. But i remember an old conversation with H- where she was talking about distance between her groups of friends and how she knew that some of them wanted to be closer - but she just didn't have the time for so many.
Regardless. If one person wants to be better friends, and the other person doesn't - isn't it the least common denominator that wins? Because who sinks their time and friendship into one that cannot reciprocate?
So when you find a friend that is willing to respond as willingly as you are to their friendship, that is crazy ridiculous, crazy amazing. Because if the least common denominator wins out, then it is more likely that friendships often will not grow deep and strong.

Equal investment.

Maybe.
Unless one person is especially generous with their time and their emotions. Which is also quite rare.

But surely there becomes a time when friendship stops being a fair-exchange based relationship and there is more flexibility. hm... or maybe not. But just the leeway for forgiveness if larger.

FINALLY

The key in this story is that you cannot just call it quits and wait for someone else to take care of all the details.
Make the first move, give the gift of going second and all that jazz.

Here's to a wonderful evening with wonderful people.

I only wish that I did not wait so long.

(decorative)

we write characters to overcome the things that we cannot.
to show us a way that it is possible to succeed.

we write characters to weep for us when we cannot
in a strange vicarious catharsis of the soul.

we write characters to travel the world and search for meaning
because we trap ourselves in responsibilities and the finite limits of this world.

we write characters to listen to our inner thoughts
which would be madness seething in anyone else's ears.

we write because it expands who we might be. to explore the boundaries of who we are as people, as individuals, as friends and lovers or heroines.

we write because we can.

realization

many times i fear the people that i admire.

an aside

how i know someone knows me:

them: tell me your thoughts
me: ?? on what
them: anything. karen thoughts.
me: lol

Courage

Courage is facing what you want to face least. It's going, instead of avoiding. It's owning up. It's not letting yourself take the easy way out. It's because this is the right path, the right thing to do, even if it makes you dread. Even if there's a pit in your stomach and an ache in your throat and nightmares in your dreams.

Courage is going.