Beans

I am such an idiot. Got lured in by the big 50% off sticker on the front. And now I have 2 lbs of French beans. TWO POUNDS. I just got finished sautéing about .5 lbs and that enough for two meals... Ughh. Right they're pretty tasty, but I'm dreading the end result of this spontaneous buy....

Not a real post

Just wanted to muse about how old I am feeling.

Ate dinner with some family friends and a couple of friends of my parents who have kids so they sit at the dinner table with me at the "kids" table, if you can call a bunch of 20-something yos kids (and that's a run-on description, but whatever).

Youngest was a college sophomore, in which he asked all of us already-graduated "kids" college questions. Y'know, best classes to take, what did you learn the most, how fellowship impacted you, how many people do you still keep in touch with, etc...

Immediately felt old.

That is all.

And if I don't post again anytime soon, Merry Christmas.

Poetry

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/bluebird/

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you? 

Charles Bukowski

Really Freaking Fascinating

Have to share a really freaking fascinating article here.

I'm sure you've heard of the poor who live under $1 a day. But what the heck does that actually mean?

This article covers all that and more. Yes, it's a little dry and long and it has more numbers and stats and data than buzzfeed or huffington's post. But holy moly, it really makes things more clear.

It talks about entertainment, choices, calories per dollar distribution, family size, business ventures, and more. Much much more.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2638067/

Medical Etymology

Icterus: Jaundice. At least one medical dictionary defines icterus as the presence of jaundice seen in the sclera of the eye. This is incorrect. Icterus is synonymous with jaundice. They are one and the same thing.

Curiously, both icterus and jaundice come from the Greek. Icterus is a Latinized (-us) form of the Greek word "ikteros" and to the ancient Greeks signified both "jaundice" and "a yellow bird." It was thought that jaundice could be cured if the patient gazed at the bird. The disease would transmigrate from the jaundiced patient to the hapless bird (JAMA 184: 615, 1963).

 ---

 It is a little interesting because it reminds me of the "The Scarlet Ibis", by James Hurst. I must have read that in junior high or something. But it has absolutely no relevance to this at all - besides that ibis and ikteros just elicited a vague sort of memory for myself.

And that they both have birds and disease in them. 

Make things clear.

I don't want you to misunderstand. I don't hate the "typical Sunday school response". If it is what you are thinking. But if you are just using it as a phrase to fall back on, or a cliche to comfort someone without truly understanding what you are saying, then I hate it. Because they become platitudes instead of true responses.

It is the sincerity that matters. Not that you have said something particularly enlightening or helpful or particularly Godly to encourage me, etc etc. It's not about you "saying the right thing".

Truth asks for truth.
Vulnerabilities ask for vulnerabilities in response.

And a response that is filled with meaningless, canned answers, means nothing to me.
But all of that is different if you mean what you say.
If you mean what you say truly, truly, truly. 

Awkward

i am the awkward of awkwardest people D:

>.<
in my head: omg, thank you, but i don't want to be a bother, but i know you would say i'm not. i'm super grateful and I'd be pleased to accept. or something like that. Is that too enthusiastic? Maybe I shouldn't say that.
so what comes out: ..... umm... alright... yes...



ughhh
and then i want to say: oh.. no... my hesitancy wasn't anything to do you. i am not trying to sound reluctant about it either. i just wasn't sure how to say yes properly.
what i say: .....


UGHHHH.
please don't misunderstand me.... :(