Thinking vs Feeling

A Case for Christ.

It's sort of a baby apologetics book. Highly biased and definitely skewed for (probably born in the church) baby Christians to dip their toe into the foundations of logic behind Christianity. Reading it with my group because a lot of us were interested in apologetics ish.


So far, in the first chapter - only one thing has stuck out as vaguely new to me: An analogy about explaining a subject with an agenda. Eye witness accounts are less favorable for me because they are highly dependent on human accuracy - and everyone knows that human error margins are enormous. But the analogy goes something along the lines of: who are those who document the Holocaust? The Jews. Sure they are biased, but they are the ones who have the most investment in it to present the truth. (I did literally zero minutes of research to back that statement up, and the book had pretty much no solid citations on this statement too - so maybe it's a false analogy). Regardless, this is probably one of the first times I can think of a situation where a biased party has such a vested interest to present the facts.

But that isn't the point. I wasn't even planning on writing anything down until we started discussing.
Umm... I think I have very hard time with born in da church Christians who aren't thinkers.
Primarily because I don't understand their rationale for staying in the faith besides that it is the easy way out. If you are born in the church, "staying" Christian means you will not ostracize your family, or probably a lot of your friend group, or give up your "raison d'etre".

This might be completely wrong and arrogant of me to say this, but I feel like every born in the church Christian should have a moment in their life where they are willing to walk away from their faith if it truly isn't what they believe. Rather than the comfort of the social factor or the friends and family and the safety net of being Christian to make you stay Christian.
Pure heart motives, right?

If it isn't right, if it isn't true, if this isn't what I believe - if I cannot reconcile all of these problems I have with the Bible and theology, why should I be a Christian?
But if it is right, if it is true (maybe I should also add, if it is good), then there I have my answer that cannot be shaken. And then perhaps the more minute problems can be reconciled by faith.

[But honestly. Sometimes I play a mental game of hypothetical situations with myself. A game where I ask myself: Can I leave it behind?
To test myself of the bonds I have created for myself. Friendships, relationships, hobbies, interests, faith. Could I leave it and everything that comes with it? What ties me down? What do I stay for? It's a truth meter, of some sort. To expose any hidden motives and see clearly why I do what I do. Do I read this book because I find it interesting or because I just want to say I've read it? Do I truly enjoy this? Am I friends with this person because of convenience or because I enjoy their presence? Hidden motives. Something like that. It is best not to lie to yourself, and hidden motives are a form of lie.
I've played that game with my faith before. At Urbana. Because if I could not, then am I Christian because I could not leave and it is just easier to stay or because I truly believe?  
It is not a game I play often, but I see my faith stronger for it. (What holds me to Christ? Trust in him and nothing else. Not the community, not the approval of my family, not the friendships. If I can walk away from that if I truly did not believe, then what holds me but Christ himself?) And it really is no game at all when I play with these kinds of stakes.]

Ugh, I have not structured my thoughts out in a clean manner.
I was going to make some remarks about foundation for believing and thinking and feeling but meh. I think it would probably come out wrong and I don't have the energy to pick my words more wisely.
Something something about feelings versus facts/thinking as a foundation.

I think coming out of the group discussion, I am just very very grateful that college gave me the space to think through a lot of difficult questions and place a firmer foundation for what I believe. If I did not, it would have made these years much more difficult or less meaningful because I do not have time to spend thinking about all those little questions and questing and searching and asking and pondering for answers. If I had not the foundation I had gained from ccf, I am pretty sure I would have drifted (at least a little). It's hard enough as it is.

tl;dr
Apologetics are not the foundation for believing in Christ, but they are certainly (for me) a rough edge I need smoothed out before I can hold on to my faith without cutting myself. And I am glad I went through most of it during college. 

reading between the lines

edification and honesty.

vulnerability
a false confidence
talking to the unknown listener

edification
a lesson learned
self-wisdom and personal experience
awareness of the reader
advice to the masses

honesty
truthfulness that doesn't presume
a sharing, perhaps

intention.
why do we write what we write.

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you cannot force edification down someone's throat.