Medical Etymology

Icterus: Jaundice. At least one medical dictionary defines icterus as the presence of jaundice seen in the sclera of the eye. This is incorrect. Icterus is synonymous with jaundice. They are one and the same thing.

Curiously, both icterus and jaundice come from the Greek. Icterus is a Latinized (-us) form of the Greek word "ikteros" and to the ancient Greeks signified both "jaundice" and "a yellow bird." It was thought that jaundice could be cured if the patient gazed at the bird. The disease would transmigrate from the jaundiced patient to the hapless bird (JAMA 184: 615, 1963).

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 It is a little interesting because it reminds me of the "The Scarlet Ibis", by James Hurst. I must have read that in junior high or something. But it has absolutely no relevance to this at all - besides that ibis and ikteros just elicited a vague sort of memory for myself.

And that they both have birds and disease in them. 

Make things clear.

I don't want you to misunderstand. I don't hate the "typical Sunday school response". If it is what you are thinking. But if you are just using it as a phrase to fall back on, or a cliche to comfort someone without truly understanding what you are saying, then I hate it. Because they become platitudes instead of true responses.

It is the sincerity that matters. Not that you have said something particularly enlightening or helpful or particularly Godly to encourage me, etc etc. It's not about you "saying the right thing".

Truth asks for truth.
Vulnerabilities ask for vulnerabilities in response.

And a response that is filled with meaningless, canned answers, means nothing to me.
But all of that is different if you mean what you say.
If you mean what you say truly, truly, truly. 

Awkward

i am the awkward of awkwardest people D:

>.<
in my head: omg, thank you, but i don't want to be a bother, but i know you would say i'm not. i'm super grateful and I'd be pleased to accept. or something like that. Is that too enthusiastic? Maybe I shouldn't say that.
so what comes out: ..... umm... alright... yes...



ughhh
and then i want to say: oh.. no... my hesitancy wasn't anything to do you. i am not trying to sound reluctant about it either. i just wasn't sure how to say yes properly.
what i say: .....


UGHHHH.
please don't misunderstand me.... :(

Surgery

Got to assist today. Was pretty cool.

Cartilage graft.... was like trying to get a camel through the eye of a needle. lol.

But on a serious note (not even a fashion one):
I need better shoes.

On Thoughts:

1. Small Group:
A blessing I had not expected. I had some inkling at the very beginning, but I did not imagine that even half a year that met for less than 3 hours a week could become this close.
Skeptical heart, powerful God.
And all praises to him.

2. Contentment and Ambition
It is a strength and a weakness, depending on how far you go on either. The eternal struggle of student of always wanting to do better - but still knowing that God does not depend on your works or your grades for his love or for you to do his will.
I think this entire issue goes back to "heart motives" as Steph would probably say. Where is your heart? What are your intentions? It is not wrong to want to do well. No, isn't that why God gave us all talents and put us where we are? But if it consumes you. If you do not step back and remind yourself of the why. If the school is just for school; if grades are just for grades; if your time is just for you, you, you. Then where is your heart? 

3. Chronic sins.
This.
This is the hardest thing one can share - even with people you trust. Because it is something that feels like it cannot be shaken, sometimes. If next week goes as is, then we will see.
Shine light on the darkest of all sins.
And these are the ones that are set in pitch black, buried under shame and struggle that has faded into apathy.
I am so weak. I am so weak, Lord.

4. 1 John.
Conviction in its hardest form. But love in its most wonderful as well. He says to us, "little children". He says to us, "Beloved". And we are. But we cannot forget to do things in deed and truth as well. Not just in words.
I really like Urbana's inductive reading style. And it is working out very well for us.

5. Updates
I see the things that people share as gifts. Unexpected, but fearfully given.
I say to people: do not be a stranger.
But when distance is so far, how can you expect someone to be open?
And when time is so small, how can I expect anything?
Do friendships slowly fade away, like photographs under the sunlight?

And are we who we are even after all the time has changed?

6. Fear
The fear that I am not good enough. It is that old fear that always creeps up. Not good enough to do everything that I set out to do. Not a good person, a good friend, a good student, a good daughter, a good Christian. All of the identities that I try to claim.
Fear of the future. How can I not be afraid when the future looms in front of me?

7. Time
How fast time moves!

8. Tiff's treats.
One is coming to San Antonio!

9.  Winter
I am not made for cold weather.
As such, my favorite thing right now is a mug of hot milk tea.

10. Chasing after the wind.