thinking too much

maybe i'm dwelling on past conversations too much, but i feel like i just keep saying the wrong things. or having the wrong tone in what I say.

How I imagine some of my words to come out never seems to come out quite like so.

And then I replay it over and over, thinking oh if i didn't say that, or if i said it differently.

ugh it's only an inside-my-own-head thing. nobody comments on it, but i can just feel it going out wrong, or vaguely offending people.

Well

the problem with reading through an author's bibliography is that you generally start with their most well-known work. It may not be the best of theirs to offer, but it will be one of the best. So you read on and discover the book that you think is their best, and other couple of gems. And then you read some crap books which still has hints of the stuff you loved from their best book - but it really is not a good book. And then you can't do anything but shake your head because you really do like this author, but not this book.

It's like going in descending order, or eating your favorite bite first and trying to ignore the yuckiest stuff.

But going the other way is impossible. Because if you don't like the first book, why bother picking up another one?

Well, i guess it's all moot anyway because I don't really have the time to read anyway.

Quick Recap

This is not a real post.

1. Pedi Heme/Onc.

Not a bad first week. Pleasantly surprised that I probably have enough business-esque clothes (esp after I went out and bought a couple more pants). Unfortunately my shoes are not good enough to cut it, especially standing so much. My back and feet hurt already. Probably going to invest in some danskos or something. They're just so ugly though -___-"

Peds is not as bad as I thought. Yeah, there are screaming kids sometimes, but what can you do. But heme/onc is so sad :( we get all the cancer kids. ughhh and some of them are soooo cute. And then after chemo, they just curl up in a ball and don't want to move. And they're nauseous and can't eat anything. Ugh so sad.

Another thing about rotations is that it's so freaking early. be there by 6:30. Wake up at 5:40. ..... that means I can't sleep at midnight anymore. But i'm not tired at 10 pm.... the struggles lol.
AND even though we get there so early to round and stuff, we still have to wake up the patients. *shakes head. The poor parents have to blearily open their eyes and listen to us chat about dosing and different lab values. And they're all wrapped up in the white hospital blankets on the uncomfortable pull out couch bed. *shakes head. It sucks. I'm so sorry for the families.

It's so chill. I hate it. Okay, not true. But sometimes it feels like empty and unstructured study time. It's like... what the heck am I supposed to be doing right now? I want to be doing something. Blah.

But everyone is chill. Residents, attending, nurses. *shrug.

Oh yeah. I realize I need to learn brand names of drugs, asap. It doesn't help if I know the generic and everyone just says the brand name. why zofran, zyrtec, dilaudid? why not just be ondansetron, citirizine, hydromorphine? why? and then trim/sulfa. why are you septra AND bactrim? why?? (complain complain)

I'm really not that annoyed. It's actually pretty interesting to finally put things together with a real patient.

2. Nutrition
I am vitamin D deficient. Ughhhh. And I ought to be exercising, but I am so tired after I get back (even though I feel like I haven't done anything!). And then I have to sleep by 10!! What the heck. (complain complain complain)

3. -thoughts-
"...

                              -ide....."

I will be brave soon. Or stupid. Sometimes there's a fine line between the two. One more week, I think.

4. Grand rounds
Learned about tx legislature for pediatrics. pretty interesting.