Do you know what's annoying?
Making 1.5 servings.
Slightly too much to eat in one meal (and if I do... ugh, too full). And feels like too little to save for the next meal.
Annoying.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Duology
Two non-related things:
First:
Something medical. Two articles talking about why patients sometimes do not take their medications - but not in the sense of "oh blah blah noncompliance idiot patient", but really trying to understand why.
And honestly - coming from an asian background where acupuncture, herbal teas, and the freaking nasty yi ren fen are used; or the mentality that "pills are not good for you", some of it is scarily true for my parents (and even me).
This article first: http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMms1409015
Then this: http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/shedding-light-on-unreasonable-decisions
Second:
This quote struck the right notes with me:
She told him the truth. “I have never lost a love and I do not intend to. One can only lose love if one is careless, and I am never careless. You might say, really, that of anything I am best at caring, at paying close attention and minding what I’ve got. "
First:
Something medical. Two articles talking about why patients sometimes do not take their medications - but not in the sense of "oh blah blah noncompliance idiot patient", but really trying to understand why.
And honestly - coming from an asian background where acupuncture, herbal teas, and the freaking nasty yi ren fen are used; or the mentality that "pills are not good for you", some of it is scarily true for my parents (and even me).
This article first: http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMms1409015
Then this: http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/shedding-light-on-unreasonable-decisions
Second:
This quote struck the right notes with me:
She told him the truth. “I have never lost a love and I do not intend to. One can only lose love if one is careless, and I am never careless. You might say, really, that of anything I am best at caring, at paying close attention and minding what I’ve got. "
Saturday, January 17, 2015
longing
how to write without being embarrassed,
how to say words from the heart without feeling vulnerable,
how to love and long and dream and feel without drowning.
didn't you know? there is a longing in everyone's soul.
for love, to be known, for someone or something to fill a God shaped hole.
it is not enough to think, not enough to be.
where is the growth? where is the desire? where is the want?
words are not enough.
feelings are not enough.
actions are only one part of the equation.
to reach for: generosity. kindness. love.
to remember: trust, vulnerability, community.
to be: true.
how to say words from the heart without feeling vulnerable,
how to love and long and dream and feel without drowning.
didn't you know? there is a longing in everyone's soul.
for love, to be known, for someone or something to fill a God shaped hole.
it is not enough to think, not enough to be.
where is the growth? where is the desire? where is the want?
words are not enough.
feelings are not enough.
actions are only one part of the equation.
to reach for: generosity. kindness. love.
to remember: trust, vulnerability, community.
to be: true.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Goals and pondering thoughts
Small group thoughts:
What a different group of girls we all are. I think, in all honesty, it makes it much harder for me to open up more vulnerably. It's not even a conscious thing. Just an underlying feeling of unease, where I am still measuring what words to say and how the group will respond. Whereas in another group, in which I know that there is more similarity in thought processes, I might feel greater urge to share other thoughts.
So I am blessed for having such a group of girls in the past where sharing came more easily. And now blessed for being able to grow without that kind of initial bond of familiarity. I must put in more effort to connect.
I am starting to also see how my responsibilities shape my interactions. Duty. Responsibility. How many times do I have repeat that?
When there is no lines to say and an undefined part given, I tend to lurk in the background. I must not see myself as a bystander, or a receiver, but a giver.
Goals:
I have been slacking on this. My mantra was just "survive". Which is really no goal at all.
I said a goal in sg today, and hopefully I can learn this year and not just float downstream.
What a different group of girls we all are. I think, in all honesty, it makes it much harder for me to open up more vulnerably. It's not even a conscious thing. Just an underlying feeling of unease, where I am still measuring what words to say and how the group will respond. Whereas in another group, in which I know that there is more similarity in thought processes, I might feel greater urge to share other thoughts.
So I am blessed for having such a group of girls in the past where sharing came more easily. And now blessed for being able to grow without that kind of initial bond of familiarity. I must put in more effort to connect.
I am starting to also see how my responsibilities shape my interactions. Duty. Responsibility. How many times do I have repeat that?
When there is no lines to say and an undefined part given, I tend to lurk in the background. I must not see myself as a bystander, or a receiver, but a giver.
Goals:
I have been slacking on this. My mantra was just "survive". Which is really no goal at all.
I said a goal in sg today, and hopefully I can learn this year and not just float downstream.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Meditation.
It's been hard on my faith.
Maybe I metaphor a little too much, but I told someone "I can give God my heart and soul, but I almost want to say that I can't give him my mind". He can have my love and be the one that guides my morality and actions and truth, but I don't have time to spare for him. (I know, I know, heart soul and mind doesn't translate to that exactly, but roll with me here). I can't think about God all day or meditate upon his words. I need my mind to memorize this and that and study and all of this. I don't have time or space in my mind for any more of him.
So I reluctantly carved out a small bit of brain-space for God and left him there, cramped and stuck. "You stay there, God. Be good, don't move please. I need to go study now. I'll come back when I can."
I have just enough of God in my life. But I can't give him anymore than I have. And aren't I generous for giving him that much already? I'm doing fine as a Christian, yesiree.
And then at the first service of the year, we had communion. And it was all "what can wash away you sins?", "come as you are", "sinner come kneel", "a thousand blessings", and "nothing but the blood of Jesus",
And as I took the bread, the man holding the basket told me "the body of Christ". I moved forward to dip it in the cup of wine, and the lady holding the cup whispered to me with a smile "the blood he shed for you".
Oh God, why do you knock on the walls that I've built around your little corner in my head? Aren't you comfortable there? Do you really need that much more space, that much more of me?
And then at the first small group of the year, we read 1 John 4. In which it was all "we abide in him and he in us" and "love comes from God" and this:
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."
Dear God, I love so selfishly.
What I am trying to say is that I don't want to be complacent with my faith. Happy with just this amount. Small group, church, a few verses a day. And then leave the rest of my week alone. I don't want to be complacent. Or, I mean, technically I do - because it would be so much easier.
But I don't.
Maybe I metaphor a little too much, but I told someone "I can give God my heart and soul, but I almost want to say that I can't give him my mind". He can have my love and be the one that guides my morality and actions and truth, but I don't have time to spare for him. (I know, I know, heart soul and mind doesn't translate to that exactly, but roll with me here). I can't think about God all day or meditate upon his words. I need my mind to memorize this and that and study and all of this. I don't have time or space in my mind for any more of him.
So I reluctantly carved out a small bit of brain-space for God and left him there, cramped and stuck. "You stay there, God. Be good, don't move please. I need to go study now. I'll come back when I can."
I have just enough of God in my life. But I can't give him anymore than I have. And aren't I generous for giving him that much already? I'm doing fine as a Christian, yesiree.
And then at the first service of the year, we had communion. And it was all "what can wash away you sins?", "come as you are", "sinner come kneel", "a thousand blessings", and "nothing but the blood of Jesus",
And as I took the bread, the man holding the basket told me "the body of Christ". I moved forward to dip it in the cup of wine, and the lady holding the cup whispered to me with a smile "the blood he shed for you".
Oh God, why do you knock on the walls that I've built around your little corner in my head? Aren't you comfortable there? Do you really need that much more space, that much more of me?
And then at the first small group of the year, we read 1 John 4. In which it was all "we abide in him and he in us" and "love comes from God" and this:
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."
Dear God, I love so selfishly.
What I am trying to say is that I don't want to be complacent with my faith. Happy with just this amount. Small group, church, a few verses a day. And then leave the rest of my week alone. I don't want to be complacent. Or, I mean, technically I do - because it would be so much easier.
But I don't.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Beans
I am such an idiot. Got lured in by the big 50% off sticker on the front. And now I have 2 lbs of French beans. TWO POUNDS. I just got finished sautéing about .5 lbs and that enough for two meals... Ughh. Right they're pretty tasty, but I'm dreading the end result of this spontaneous buy....
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