Aaron and Mimi's wedding notes

1. Almost decided not to go due to timing, but reconsidered since I think this one of the few times where I will see a lot of these people again due to everyone leaving Houston soon. (That's a whole different post right there on cities that you love but maybe not anymore because the people you loved there are not there.) and yknow, to celebrate their wedding. Lol they are a cute couple! Aaron's deadpan quips over a caring heart, Mimi's friendly, bubbly nature over her steadfast heart. God will bless this couple.

2. You don't realize how confined (?) you are until you leave on a trip by yourself. No, that's not quite what I mean. Maybe:  You don't realize how liberating a car is until you have used it to leave. Or I don't know. Maybe: Wanderlust. The strange sensation that you could pick up your bag and just leave without a word to anyone. To end up in South America on a whim, or a three day car trip to no where. Just because. 

Just because. 

When was the last time I asked myself: could I leave this? 

3. And then a lot of things happened. Of which, were too frustrating to really write about until I am in better time/place. 

hard questions

i've been asked a lot of hard questions recently. And I don't have good answers for any of them.
I wish life was more black and white.
I wish life had a instruction manual.
I wish life had markers like trails do, to tell you that you are on the right track, that you have made it to the next bench mark.

I am tired, even if I sleep at 9 pm. I am burned out, running on the last drops of oil. I am sick of everything. I want to complain about everything, even though I don't have much to complain about.

Laugh with the rest of your energy. Smile because it is necessary.
Keep going because there is no other option.

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We had to do something called "Priorities" in class. You write down, physically, on pieces of paper - six of your greatest priorities. Family, friends, career, God, hobbies, whatever. Then. Physically tear up two of them.
And then do it again.
And then tear up another one until only one is left.
It's a little disconcerting to actually go through that.
What is sacrificed first?
What is left?

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pour water on this body
because i am cracked and dry
i am yearning

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Just a little more, please.
It is possible. It is doable.

Considerations

I killed a cockroach today. Yuck.

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Balance.
Is it worth it if you experience happiness and sadness in equal measures?

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God.
I saw a patient who has such a rare brain disease, and the physicians caused iatrogenic pan hypo pit. He was a high functioning pilot with a pregnant wife and three children. He now can't recognize his 6 mo daughter because it's been that long since he's been in the hospital.
Their room is decorated with crosses and Bible verses and photos of his children.
She told us, sometimes he responds. I asked him, do you love me. And he nodded. And then I asked, do you love the Lord?
And he said, yes, and it's important to the Lord that I love him.

Faith. Where do people find such faith?
Is faith found? Is it cultivated. Or is it borne from something else.

There once were seeds that were thrown.
Some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9

Or is faith all about the environment, and nothing to do with the seed? Are the seeds not all from the same stock? Where upon is the difference?
And then, if so, then who chooses the environment? Is it our decision or is it not within our control.

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Fear of the future.

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Guard your heart.
Guard your heart.