Anyway.
Sermon today was about Abram and Sarai and how Sarai didn't believe God when he said that they would have kids and blah blah billions of stars and grains of sand and all that. And then here is what she did: She took matters into her own hands and told Abram to try and conceive with Hagar so that she might be able to raise up her maidservant's kid as hers to fulfill God's promise to her.
[Interject a quick annoyed note about how I really dislike how the pastor talked about Abram/Adam listening to their wives, which ended up as sin because it came off incredibly sexist. Like... "goes to show you what happens when you listen to your wife! hur hur hur! Just kidding! That was just a joke!" ....Just no. Are you freaking kidding me? Just rawr. But whatever. I can look past this to see important stuff.]
Okay yeah, but still. Powerful stuff. Because that saying that "God helps those who helps themselves". I think a lot of independent/self-sufficient/on-top-of-things people half believe it. ... I do, sorta (with qualifications, obviously). Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'd rather have a decision made rather wait around for a sign or two that may or may not be smoke and mirrors.
But this idea that Sarai took matters into her own hands and did something completely rational (in their culture/time), and was completely, utterly wrong. It's almost heart breaking for me because I get it. It's so logical, this thought process. "I'm barren. Can't have kids. God promises kids. Hagar can have kids and her kid will legally be mine/ours to raise. Problem solved." I can't even understand, sometimes, the old testament. Abraham is praised all the way through to the New Testament ("and it is counted to him as righteousness") for putting his own son to the knife. Sarai does something logical and she is tsked at and shamed for not trusting God. Ah my gosh, I totally feel for her.
.... sometimes I look at it and I'm just agog at how irrational it all seems. To sell all your possessions and buy a single pearl. To "throw your life away" just for the kingdom of heaven. Choose to wait rather than to act. To believe that God fulfills promises - as (literally) crazy as they sound. To have faith. Let me just say that again. To have faith. Sigh.
And here's the thing. God's promises aren't solely relegated to the people in the Bible. But for me as well. (and for you, I guess, but I'm writing about me here... so for me). And here's what I've been trying to get at. Do I trust enough that God fulfills those promises? That he is there if I knock, that he knew me from the womb and will be the wind beneath my wings or that I don't need to worry about tomorrow, and all those other promises he said that he will provide? That I will never go thirsty if I drink this water?
