Thoughts

1. Weight
- My new attending says he expects me to gain 4-5 lbs in my four weeks with him due to free food. I am... skeptical. I mean, I love free food. But I've realized that I am a stress-weight-loser. I think I lost 10 lbs since med school started :/ (this is not a thing to brag about. it's actually pretty bad. i shouldn't be losing this weight.) I need to gain about 5-10 lbs back. Especially muscle strength. It's kinda unhealthy and I don't know why I am not hungry when I'm stressed. Ugh. What's going to happen in residency if I'm more stressed? I don't have another 5-10 lbs to lose...

2. Holding on
- There are so many blessings I need to always count. I need to hold onto truth, onto grace, onto love. These things shall pass.
...right?

3. Size
- Problems always look so big when you are in the middle of them. But with a perspective change, you can see them for how small they really are in the grand scheme of things.

4. Face your fears.
- Confront them. I am afraid of so many things. I really am.
I am afraid of being too stupid for residency.
I am afraid of not matching.
I am afraid of not being good enough.
I am afraid of not being a good doctor and hurting patients.
I am afraid that I am setting myself up for failure.
I am afraid of being alone.
I am afraid of choosing the wrong specialty.
I am afraid for my faith.
I am afraid of losing myself.
I am afraid I will dislike my future career.
I am afraid of being an adult.
I am afraid to look.

I am scared of too many things.
Does everyone have these fears?
Logically I know the answer is yes. But then why does it feel like I am alone in these thoughts?
To see people move forward with such confidence... I am really envious.

Can I remember what it means to put faith in God?