extra

Just a random aside on on random thoughts:.

1A. business
- Dependence on business. Even though medicine is fairly necessary just in general, it is still dependent on the patient coming to the doctor for a service. It is still a... business (?).
- a surgeon needs to have enough patients. but anesthesiologists get business from surgeons. if you don't have a good relationship with surgeons, you don't have enough business.
- i suppose it's all assuming that you're private practice, not hospital contract.
- the anesthesiologist was kinda gossiping about her group and the people in it. some of the newer partners haven't established a good base of surgeons to work with yet and desperately needed work - so ended up asking if anyone wanted to sell their calls. like what? and it ranged from 350-750. i'm slightly flabbergasted. i mean, i don't know the exact rates and the pay for call, but they were desperate for business that they had to buy calls.

1B. gossip. there's too much. even in medicine. i don't think it's good to listen and talk too much about the so-and-so new surgeon hired in whatever hospital that said this and that. And even beyond gossip..... there's is definitely a type of work camaraderie that I don't think I understand.... There were a ton of people who talked really openly about their problems in passing. Like hey doc, how's it going? Meh, just paying spousal alimony and child support cuz it's the first of the month, doc. Uhhhh too much.

2. saying goodbye
- still do not know how to say goodbye properly. i just want to walk away. i think it's supposed to be slightly more emotional. but.... it's just another thing that happens in my life. am i really that sad? not really.....
- and how does one stay in casual-business-contact with someone? like... i know we're not friends, but i might want to keep in touch with you casually because we worked together and i think it's a good thing to do, but i don't really have anything to say to you except business.

3. eating
- i gained THREE pounds in the last month. lol. I am seriously amused. After losing about 3-5 lb from studying month, I gained it back. I blame my rotation, which had free food.

4. relationships
- my standards are probably too high....
- and i think i am not an easy person to get to know or to love. who i consider someone who is easy to love: incredibly accepting of flaws and faults, adaptable and flexible to the other person,
- first dates are increasingly annoying. can i just skip to the comfortable-with-you part?

5. FOMO
- i don't often consider myself someone who feels fomo too much. but i want to be in the loop intellectually. i want to know it's going on. i want to be invited (who doesn't?). but even if i'm not, i don't get offended (most of the time - depends on the situation and people).
- but i think.... i understand.

6. compliments
- I honestly DON'T TRUST COMPLIMENTS. An nice attending who says good job, I'm like... shifty eyes, do you actually mean that or are you trying to be nice? I'd rather know the truth. Or have constructive criticism. Save your compliments until I know it's true.
- he complimented me today and I was like.. thanks. HOW TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO COMPLIMENTS?