it's been a long four weeks. and i've had too many thoughts but not enough to process all of it. there is something about taking the time to write down everything i'm thinking.
-and sometimes i wonder if i'm a little on the autism spectrum when i'm trying to reconcile every moment and every emotion and every interaction that i have with people. but that's neither here nor there.-
too many thoughts about fear, chiefs, sicu, rounding, interns and attendings, procedures, the art of feeling useful, music, emotional intimacy, lack of time, feeling "in between", working too much to think, a faith that lasts beyond mere emotion, decisions, inevitability, silver linings, concerns, harmonies, chicken and beer, wine and beer, sand volleyball, long car rides, openness, the strange sensation of walking similar steps as in the past, tears and fears, old relationships, depression, anxiety, new touches, keeping in touch, numb cheeks.
you know. the whole spectrum of emotions.
i am not who i was four years ago.
i feel that so acutely now.
there is so much that changes.
people are transient. people change.
i have changed more than i ever would have expected.
how mutable.
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