I don't usually do Christmas gifts, but I know a few of my friends do. So made sure to get them something. And they gave me something. And it was a regift. Opened and mildly used. And seriously? I am vaguely offended. I almost would rather have gotten nothing. I thought about what they might like. And they gave me something they used and didn't like.
This is why I hate gift exchanges sometimes. Because I have too high hopes. Or maybe too high expectations. Was it too high of an expectation? I just wanted something to say that they thought of me specifically. Maybe that's too much to hope for. This is why I don't expect anything for birthdays. Or holidays.
Isnt it better to expect nothing and be happily surprised by something, no matter what it is. Rather than be disappointed?
Can I apply that to everything? Expect nothing from my friendships, and then I won't be disappointed. Expect nothing from people. Do things because it would make me happy, not because I want anything in return. Initiate because I want to. Not because I expect them to return the favor.
Is that too cynical? It's practical. And keeps me from getting hurt. Or annoyed. Or offended. Or angry.
In the end, everybody has different priorities. I need to drop my expectations. Do everything for the joy of doing without expecting anything in return. That's what I need to do.
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I learned something about myself today. That is a good thing.
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addendum:
I actually have to take a few steps back and realize that I am actually really bad at gifts. It's part of that "emotional labor". [aside: this is an interesting read if you're curious. You'll have to skip through a bit of cringey uber-feminism thoughts, but there are some pertinent ones as well. here]. I shouldn't get frustrated if I am the same way. I will try to be better at these things too.
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Addendum 2.0
After talking to a friend, I think that I have to revise a lot of this. It is not so much the regift as the perceived lack of thought behind the gift. I don't mind regifts. I don't mind, as long as it's thoughtful. Of course I have to realize that it is all my perception. It may not actually even be true. In the end, it can all be boiled down to this semi: I thought a lot about their gift, and I perceived and believed that they did not think a lot about mine. And I was disappointed.
But I have realized in my last few years that perception is always flawed. And I always try to give people the benefit of doubt. And if there are two options of how I can perceive their thought, then take the better of the two.
Basically.... just gotta get over myself about this stuff lol.
----
I learned something about myself today. That is a good thing.
---
addendum:
I actually have to take a few steps back and realize that I am actually really bad at gifts. It's part of that "emotional labor". [aside: this is an interesting read if you're curious. You'll have to skip through a bit of cringey uber-feminism thoughts, but there are some pertinent ones as well. here]. I shouldn't get frustrated if I am the same way. I will try to be better at these things too.
---
Addendum 2.0
After talking to a friend, I think that I have to revise a lot of this. It is not so much the regift as the perceived lack of thought behind the gift. I don't mind regifts. I don't mind, as long as it's thoughtful. Of course I have to realize that it is all my perception. It may not actually even be true. In the end, it can all be boiled down to this semi: I thought a lot about their gift, and I perceived and believed that they did not think a lot about mine. And I was disappointed.
But I have realized in my last few years that perception is always flawed. And I always try to give people the benefit of doubt. And if there are two options of how I can perceive their thought, then take the better of the two.
Basically.... just gotta get over myself about this stuff lol.
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