chance to breathe

i have been doing a poor job with writing as consistently as i wanted to, but overall it is still better than if i hadn't done this challenge. so i will still consider it a mild success at this time.

some things that happened of note this week,

- i am cat sitting for a friend. and i have overall decided that despite that it is quite nice to have something living moving around in my house at night (not cockroaches or insects), i'd probably still choose to not have a pet. maybe it would be different if she were a cuddly kind of kitty, but she's really quite aloof. or maybe it'd be different if she's a dog. hard to say at this point.

- tried to do a central line the other day, did not go as planned - had to call surgery in to help. it's a little annoying and frustrating to feel like you have to ask for help - but overall, patient safety is more important.

- i had a very nice weekend with doing nails and facemasks and felt extremely pampered. it feels quite nice. my face feels extraordinarily plump haha.

- i think the strangest thing of this year is realizing that medicine is not as straightforward as it seems. there are some people that you know are slackers and others that really care for their patients. it's not so much the slackers that i'm talking about as the group that actually put in full forth effort. in this group, there is still differences in what each person deems as "putting in full forth". for some, it's talking for hours to the patients to get a proper history - others, it's delving into the depths of uptodate to read up on treatment options - others still, it's looking at their full medication list. with such limited time, the question always remains of how can we best utilize it to give the best care? nobody wants to miss anything. but you also don't want to stay till midnight every day. it's a tricky line.

- i told steph that i felt myself changing - and i didn't know how.... and i still don't. and i wonder if some of that not knowing is because i don't have as many deep talks with friends anymore

- i was having a discussion with a friend today about knowing someone. and i feel like it boils down to two things: one - the knowing that comes from conversation, of deep talks and knowing how someone thinks and their history and their thoughts about life and politics and love and dreams and aspirations. and the second - a knowing that comes from being around someone physically, their mannerisms and the way they respond to things, the timing and cadence of their words, how quietly they walk or how loudly they sneeze.

i'd argue that the first is more important. probably because i have more friendships based on that alone. what with everyone so spread out these days. but the second... i am learning more with my co residents. that i spend so much time with them, i sometimes feel like i do know them. even without knowing their deep conversation thoughts. and that, too, is interesting.