kindness

i am thankful
for warmth in the apartment.
for friends that text me.
for a family that loves me.
for a job that can help people.
for body that functions.

i am afraid
of not knowing enough
of making decisions that might hurt someone
of my future
of who i feel like i am becoming

i think humans are semi-permeable, and sometimes we passively let in things in our surroundings into our bodies and souls more so than expected. i expected myself to be impenetrable, but i think the world is leaking into me.

what i want is to be
smarter
prettier
more extroverted and charismatic
adventurous
kinder
better

instead i can't really do much but be tired every day after work. i need to do more probably.
i'm too tired to write well. these thoughts will be continued later maybe.