Post Wedding

 We finally did it. After basically a year, we finally did it. It was lovely and beautiful and basically perfect. I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends stand by me. S flying all the way from Hawaii and lifting sand bags, S from Cali post partum!!, and N even though she was worried about COVID. I am really so lucky. My family, my friends, his family and friends, good food (best thing was the salmon and the mashed potatoes), a fun time, a beautiful dress, a beautiful venue, a hot but sunny day, and all the vendors who made the day easy. 

I do wish I could have tried the hor doerves, but ah well haha.

And also precious was just the time my bridesmaids came to just sit and talk with me at home after the ceremony. I wish I had so many more days just to hang out with everyone.  

I do think I regret just a little bit of not writing our own personal vows. But I might just make us do that for an anniversary or something.

Stephen is not someone I dreamed of marrying when I was younger and making up characteristics of my future husband as a lark. But he is what I didn't know I needed. To accept me as I am no matter how stressed out or cranky I get, teases me out of a bad mood, lifts me up (literally, a lot of the time), clever and witty - he keeps life interesting; for me, who finds life boring so many times. Pushes me to stop procrastinating, to go to the gym, to pursue the things I want to pursue. He wants me to succeed and accomplish my goals. He loves deeply. I never doubt him or his sincerity. He is not afraid to speak his mind, even if it is unpleasant or controversial; and I admire that. I love his loyalty to his friends and family. He is competent, takes care of problems, a source of stability. He is not perfect. He has lots of flaws. We disagree on things. I am not perfect. I have lots of flaws. And I can't imagine life without him anymore. Or if I could, it would be very, very hard. 

How do you even know someone is the right person for you? I've thought about that so many times before him. I still don't have a good answer. Questions like, what does love feel like? I still don't know how to answer that. Love and marriage is such a weird thing. This is the person you choose. For the rest of your life, hopefully. How do you know? As someone who likes concrete answers and actionable items... this is an impossible questions because there is literally no right answer. 

 And yet... I still got married. 

Love is a mysterious thing.