I can overwhelmed by frustrations. Maybe it's just where I am, the kind of clinic that I'm at right now - because one of my classmates is at a private, well to do clinic and is loving it to the point where she's considering it for residency. But on the other hand, she doesn't have the same problems as my clinic.
The phrase that makes me want to cover my eyes: "I don't like taking medications so I stopped. Can you fix me?"
I mean. I have all the empathy in the world for disliking meds. I grew up in a very "meds are only for highly cannot bear this at all I feel utterly horrible moments". I'm super wary about NSAIDs even now. But how can I get the point across that YOU ARE DIABETIC AND PLEASE TAKE YOUR MEDS! Please please please! All I want to do is see your glucose come down and you to be happy and healthy and I know meds suck, but please take them!! Or blood pressure. Or mood stabilizers. Yes please take your mood stabilizers.
I just don't know what to do at this point. I almost want to ask, what are you expecting of us? Not in an accusatory way. Just a genuine curiosity, almost desperation, if you won't take our (highly) recommended medications, what are you expecting...?
I will listen my heart out if that is what you want. Or we will try another med? I just don't know. I just don't know.
Money. How much can I say that I hate America's health care? Because I loathe it with every single cell of my body. I was just horrified. No, maybe just disappointed or sadly surprised, a few days ago. Patient comes in with what is likely to be diaphragmatic pain. Acute, but not life threatening. We sent her to the ER because our clinic doesn't have the tools to do further diagnosing. We can't do a CT, no imaging here except for KUBs which she doesn't need. I am just shaking my head. My roommate went through ER last rotation and was saying how all the ER docs hate it when the patients come in like its primary care. Yeah. Well I'm IN primary care right now and we sent the patient to the ER for something that is not at all meant for the ER as it ought to be used. She will probably have to wait there because it's not life threatening. She already took hours to go through our clinic already. I am just so upset. It's so useless and broken and we can't even diagnose/treat this?
The attending was telling me this: that a lot of the doctor burnout rates are due to doctors progressively dealing with issues that are not medically related. Fighting tooth and nail with insurance companies, trying to schedule follow ups with patients who disappear. And I believe it. Even in these few weeks, I am already sick of this stuff and I don't even have to deal with the meat of the problem.
On a tangential side note. I am so frustrated at myself that I did not learn Spanish in high school or spent more time with it in college. A patient started crying in the middle of the visit, and I felt so helpless just sitting there with a box of tissues and squeezing her hand. And all I could think of was que pasa or dolor? Or ayudar. Trabajo difficile? All of which do not fit the situation, are wholly incorrect, and are completely useless and insufficient - and one word which I'm pretty sure is French. I mean. Que es la problema (is that even correct?), but how does one comfort in a language barrier? I am not a touchy sort of person, but I had to give her a hug before she left. And I am still sitting here feeling helpless and wondering what could I have said or done differently.
I am just frustrated. It is not "difficult" per se. But I am emotionally not happy with this rotation so far. I feel like family med is so useless. (I know, I know it's not). But it FEELS that way right now. And the worst thing is we need more family med docs right now. But who would want to go through this every day?
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